Idea Killer # 6

My friend and colleague Keri Lehmann offers a 6th idea killer!

6.  Dismiss the Idea Right Away Because You Think It Won’t Make Any Money.

How many times has an idea, still in its infancy, been abandoned because “the voice of REASON” asks: but how will this make money?  Some of the most inspired and successful businesses and/or products began just because the inventor had a passion.  I have a friend whose daughter studied art history and who is now a sought-after movie set designer.  I think about Steve Jobs creating a micro computer in his garage or the recent movie: Julie and Julia, where her Julie’s desire to cook every recipe in Julia’s book lead her to create a blog that lead to a book that lead to a movie.  My own husband is a math teacher and decided to write a textbook for his own use, since he wasn’t finding exactly what he wanted.  Fast forward 10 years, now has three published textbooks.  Had any of these people dwelled on the money question, their ideas would surely have been abandoned and we all would miss out on their contributions.

A spiritual teacher recommends: Work passionately, receive passionately.  Part of what this means to me includes following ideas that you are passionate about and trusting that the money will come however it comes.

Thanks Keri!  For more about Keri and her work, visit her site, Coaching Masters.

How to Kill a Great Idea

dynamite on a white background

I was working with a client this morning when we started laughing about an unfortunate and humbling experience: Killing a Great Idea. Here are my top tips (from personal experience, unfortunately, and from my clients’):

1. Demand It Be Successful Immediately. Think of your idea as a newborn baby.  Sweet, precious, and needing nurturing.  It takes time to mature.  You wouldn’t expect your newborn to be able to run in a track meet next week!  Instead, give your idea the time and space it needs to develop strength and momentum.

2. Ignore your Intuition, the Whispers, & Signs from the Universe. This can range from living in la la land to being in denial to outright refusing to accept what is so.  The whispers, signs from the universe and our intuition are always offering helpful, loving guidance.  There’s that saying: “Listen to the whispers so you don’t have to hear the shouts!”

3. Ask for Feedback without Discernment. Sometimes we ask for feedback too soon or from people who are too critical or too indulgent.  The timing of feedback is one part of discernment; the source and quality of feedback is another.  Consider the metaphor of baking bread:  If you take it out of the oven too soon and hand someone a knife, they’ll cut into it and it will fall. Ruined.  OK, maybe that’s dramatic, but you get the point.

4. Attempt to Control Every Aspect of Development. I recently had a project that at first was a delightful idea.  Unfortunately, I went into my control mode.  It was as if I put my hands around its neck and strangled the life out of it.  Not pretty.  Not successful.  I didn’t allow for the mystery, for the unknown, and for the magic to happen.

5.  Starve It for Attention. We need to make sure we can give enough attention for the idea to take hold.  If we have too many other things going on (too many other projects or life activities), we simply won’t be able to give what is needed and the idea will wilt and die.

So, there are my top five sure-fire ways to kill a great idea.  Got any to add?

Happiness as Economic Indicator!

Today, a dear friend sent me this article.  (Thanks Susan!)  If this isn’t a shining sign of the times, I don’t know what is.

Happy business people laughing against white background

Sarkozy Wants Happiness Used as Economic Indicator

By EMMA VANDORE, AP Business Writer PARIS – France plans to include happiness and well-being in its measurements of economic progress, French President Nicolas Sarkozy said Monday, beckoning other countries to join in a “revolution” in the way growth is tracked after the global economic crisis.

“The crisis doesn’t only make us free to imagine other models, another future, another world. It obliges us to do so.”

France will adapt its statistical toolbox as recommended by two Nobel economists Read more »

You Really Can Do Whatever You Want

Can Do

I’ve been thinking about “permission” lately.  Many of us won’t grant ourselves permission to freely do, have, or be what we really want in life.  I’m talking about in big and small ways alike.  Big as in working in a career that is less than ideal or suffering in a relationship that isn’t loving or satisfying.  Small as in filling the calendar with duties and obligations that we convince ourselves absolutely MUST be done.  Or, having a to-do list that is not only impossibly long, but also just downright dreadful.

This is no way to live a fulfilling life.  This is no way to have a fun, successful business.

Now, I am happy that I have work that I love and a family life that is tremendously gratifying.  And yet there are certain circumstances in which I do not fully let myself have, do, be all that I desire.  So, I’m challenging myself to a bold experiment:  For the next 7 days, I am only doing what I really want to do — following my heart’s desire.  I trust my heart to guide me to what is most real, most satisfying, most loving.  (My ego likes to threaten me with images of my ultimate destruction: lazing on the couch for hours on end, remote control in one hand, junk food in the other.  Seriously, not my heart’s desire.)

Imagine….day after day of listening to your heart, to your inner guidance and then following its lead.  Well, I’m going for it!

And, no blackmailing myself with SHOULDs, HAVE TOs, or WHO DO YOU THINK YOU AREs! No justifying, asking for approval, or permission from anyone outside of myself.  No apologizing for doing what brings me joy.   I’m talking about giving myself the real freedom to choose moment to moment.  And, if/when I judge myself for being frivolous, indulgent, etc., I promise to lovingly bring myself back to center.

Anybody want to join me?

Listen

ListenWant to improve your business?  Listen.

Listen to yourself.  Really listen.  Slow down.  Get quiet (it may take a while for the inner chatter to subside).  There is so much inner guidance and wisdom available to each of us.  We have access to it whenever we listen for it.

You might want to pose questions about your business, about its direction, about opportunities, or about any aspect of your life.  Then listen.

Consider taking this on as a daily practice and see what happens.  I’m going to!

The Lighter Side of Misery

Asking for Help

Help KeyWe’ve noticed that many women business owners have difficulty asking for help. (OK, actually many people in general have trouble with this!)  Operating inside a double standard, we might be very comfortable offering and giving help, but not so comfortable asking for help.  Viewing it as either an imposition or a sign of weakness.  So, for anyone who is “help-challenged”, or for anyone who simply wants to experience more success in life and in business, we offer this technique:

Ask-Offer-Thank

Borrowed from the book, Attracting Perfect Customers by Stacey Hall and Jan Brogniez, here’s how it works.  Each day, for 30 days, do the following:

  1. ASK for help.  Ask for something you want or need.
  2. OFFER to help the same person you are asking to help you.  You don’t have to know what to offer, you can ask them what they need or how they see that you could help them.
  3. THANK them for any way that they are willing to help you.

Do this every day and you will see dramatic results in many areas of your life.

Part 2: “10 Proven Ways to Sabotage Happiness”

Happy and Free

Happy and Free

Continuing from the 10 Proven Ways to Sabotage Happiness – Part 1….and what to do instead!  Here are 5 more ways we unknowingly squelch our happiness:

6.  Limiting what you allow yourself to want by what you think is possible. A kissing cousin of #5 (that is, substituting what you really want with what you think you should want), this #6 is just as insidious.  Most of us have an artificial ceiling on what we believe is possible for us.  It’s often referred to as an “Upper Limit”.  The key thing to remember is that the ceiling is artificial and self-imposed.  Becoming aware of how quickly we limit what we believe is possible can be very illuminating and empowering.  Lift the lid on what you think you can have and allow yourself to desire more.   As my brilliant friend Leza Danly reminds me: “When we dismiss our desires, we cause our unhappiness.”

7.  Believing you should only feel “happy feelings” and only think “happy thoughts”. More spiritual blackmail; and it’s rampant in new age spirituality, self-help books, and pop psychology.  It may seem paradoxical but it is true that honestly embracing a full range of emotion will result in feeling more connected to yourself, more self-respecting, and ultimately happier.  Denying what you genuinely feel and pretending that “it’s all good” is truly a shortcut to misery.  My husband uses this analogy:  if the fire alarm is sounding in your house, you don’t simply remove the batteries and slap a smiley face sticker on it, do you?  (I hope not!) No, the alarm has a valuable purpose, and so do all of our emotions.

8.  Attempting to control anything or anyone. It’s a complete lie, and waste of time for that matter, to believe we can control anything or anyone.  Yet, it’s so tempting to try, isn’t it?  We try overtly.  We try covertly. Trying to control our loved ones, our employees, our vendors, our clients, our businesses. (And my personal favorite: trying to control change…we like to call it “change management”!)  We can spend days or decades in this miserable game.  Ever notice how obsessive, driven, and unhappy you are when attempting to control?  Let go of attempts to control and instead stretch into more love.  The love you have for yourself, for the people who matter to you, for the wonder of your life, for the Divine, for whatever is meaningful to you.

9.  Refusing to dance with chaos. Years ago I did an interview for a local TV talk show.  The host asked me what people should do when there are huge and unexpected challenges in life, or when things don’t turn out as planned.  I said that we all could get better at “dancing with chaos.”  OK, honestly I don’t know why I said that!  It just flew out of my mouth before I could really consider what it meant.  I decided to try my own advice and have discovered the joy in respecting and engaging chaos, rather than struggling against it (i.e., trying to control it — see item # 8).  I can’t say that I have mastered this art, but I know for sure that when I fight it, I am anything but happy.

10.  Refusing or resisting Love. How often do you let yourself know how deeply and powerfully you are loved? Take a moment and bring to mind one precious person in your life.  Feel how much you love that person.  Imaging sending them love right now, allowing your love to expand as you do so.  Now feel how much that person loves you.  Don’t make this an intellectual process by only knowing that you are loved, let yourself slow down enough to feel it.  Let it seep in.  Let their love fill you.  It’s sweet and vulnerable, isn’t it?  (Notice any resistance?)  Now, let yourself feel how deeply and uniquely you are loved by a Divine Source.  For many people that is more challenging. Many of us have lots of unconscious strategies to keep love at a certain distance.  We say, practice closing the distance.  Move in closer to the love in your life and allow it to move in closer to you.  Allow the impact of this love to ripple out into your life, into your business or career, and into your sense of well-being.

10 Proven Ways to Sabotage Happiness – Part 1

happiness_by_wint3r88

I recently attended a fabulous Lucid Living retreat in Santa Barbara on “The Secrets of Happiness”.  Happiness has been on my mind a lot this year.  Here is part 1 of what I have learned about the typical ways we sabotage our happiness — and what to do instead.

1.  Believing happiness must be earned. Happiness is your birthright.  You do not have to earn it or become worthy of it.  Your very existence is an open invitation to experience more and more happiness. (Hey, even the Dali Lama wrote a book, The Art of Happiness)

2. Believing that you can’t be happy until __________(fill in the blank). This is spiritual blackmail, usually anchored in perfectionism.  “I can’t be happy until I lose 20 pounds” or “I can’t be happy until I find the love of my life” or “I can’t be happy until my business grosses $200 million” or…  All baloney!  Happiness is a choice and there are no prerequisites.

3.  Blaming anyone, anything or any circumstance for your unhappiness. This one is very seductive.  It can sure seem like someone or something is causing unhappiness.  We tell ourselves (and anyone else who will listen) stories of  externally-sourced misery.   This is not to say that the people and events in our lives don’t have an impact — they certainly do.  This is to say, however, that we choose how we will respond to that impact.  Depending on the situation, you might need to draw a boundary, take good care of yourself, or shift your point of view to increase your experience of happiness.  Blame will never, ever get you there.

4.  Refusing to meet your own needs. As adults, we are each responsible and capable of meeting our own needs.  It is empowering, self-respecting, and happy-making to do so.

5.  Confusing what you truly want in life, with what you think you should want in life. When answering the question “What do you truly want?”, there is no right answer.  There are, however, real or true answers.  And then, there are “performing” answers; that is, the answers we think we are supposed to give…to satisfy some mythical outside authority.  Let go of  judgments, let go of shoulds, tune into your desire and let yourself know what you truly want.

Coming Soon…Part 2!

3 Steps to Taking Charge and Releasing Control

Attempting to control life, business, other people, etc., makes us crazy.  Flat out c-r-a-z-y!  It’s exhausting and a complete waste of time.  Most of us know this (that is, in those moments when we aren’t being controlling).  But letting go of control doesn’t mean we just take a hands-off approach and hope for the best.  That’s the flip side of the same coin, is equally crazy-making, and is a set-up to convince yourself to try to control again.  We distinguish “Controlling” (trying to force or manipulate an outcome) from “Taking Charge” (being consciously responsible for your actions & your impact).  When you feel seduced into the maniacal attempt to control someone, something, or some outcome, here are 3 essential steps to free you from its grips and allow you to powerfully, and sanely, take charge:

the hardest part

the hardest part

1.  Slow Down. This is a hard one, we know.  Deep breathing helps.  Noticing that the world doesn’t fall apart when you slow down also helps.

2.  Check In. Come into the present moment.  Tune into yourself, what you are thinking and feeling — emotionally and physically.  Quiet your chattering mind enough to hear your Intuitive Wisdom.  What does your gut or your heart say about the current situation?  What else?  Ask “What Else” at least 5 times.  You’ll be amazed at what you hear.

3.  Ask, “What action is for my highest good?” Don’t rush for an answer.  Take your time to hear the answer that resonates with real truth for  you.  Then take that action.

Watch how much more peaceful your life becomes.  Watch how much more fun you have and how much easier it is to generate success!