Happy and Free
Continuing from the 10 Proven Ways to Sabotage Happiness – Part 1….and what to do instead! Here are 5 more ways we unknowingly squelch our happiness:
6. Limiting what you allow yourself to want by what you think is possible. A kissing cousin of #5 (that is, substituting what you really want with what you think you should want), this #6 is just as insidious. Most of us have an artificial ceiling on what we believe is possible for us. It’s often referred to as an “Upper Limit”. The key thing to remember is that the ceiling is artificial and self-imposed. Becoming aware of how quickly we limit what we believe is possible can be very illuminating and empowering. Lift the lid on what you think you can have and allow yourself to desire more. As my brilliant friend Leza Danly reminds me: “When we dismiss our desires, we cause our unhappiness.”
7. Believing you should only feel “happy feelings” and only think “happy thoughts”. More spiritual blackmail; and it’s rampant in new age spirituality, self-help books, and pop psychology. It may seem paradoxical but it is true that honestly embracing a full range of emotion will result in feeling more connected to yourself, more self-respecting, and ultimately happier. Denying what you genuinely feel and pretending that “it’s all good” is truly a shortcut to misery. My husband uses this analogy: if the fire alarm is sounding in your house, you don’t simply remove the batteries and slap a smiley face sticker on it, do you? (I hope not!) No, the alarm has a valuable purpose, and so do all of our emotions.
8. Attempting to control anything or anyone. It’s a complete lie, and waste of time for that matter, to believe we can control anything or anyone. Yet, it’s so tempting to try, isn’t it? We try overtly. We try covertly. Trying to control our loved ones, our employees, our vendors, our clients, our businesses. (And my personal favorite: trying to control change…we like to call it “change management”!) We can spend days or decades in this miserable game. Ever notice how obsessive, driven, and unhappy you are when attempting to control? Let go of attempts to control and instead stretch into more love. The love you have for yourself, for the people who matter to you, for the wonder of your life, for the Divine, for whatever is meaningful to you.
9. Refusing to dance with chaos. Years ago I did an interview for a local TV talk show. The host asked me what people should do when there are huge and unexpected challenges in life, or when things don’t turn out as planned. I said that we all could get better at “dancing with chaos.” OK, honestly I don’t know why I said that! It just flew out of my mouth before I could really consider what it meant. I decided to try my own advice and have discovered the joy in respecting and engaging chaos, rather than struggling against it (i.e., trying to control it — see item # 8). I can’t say that I have mastered this art, but I know for sure that when I fight it, I am anything but happy.
10. Refusing or resisting Love. How often do you let yourself know how deeply and powerfully you are loved? Take a moment and bring to mind one precious person in your life. Feel how much you love that person. Imaging sending them love right now, allowing your love to expand as you do so. Now feel how much that person loves you. Don’t make this an intellectual process by only knowing that you are loved, let yourself slow down enough to feel it. Let it seep in. Let their love fill you. It’s sweet and vulnerable, isn’t it? (Notice any resistance?) Now, let yourself feel how deeply and uniquely you are loved by a Divine Source. For many people that is more challenging. Many of us have lots of unconscious strategies to keep love at a certain distance. We say, practice closing the distance. Move in closer to the love in your life and allow it to move in closer to you. Allow the impact of this love to ripple out into your life, into your business or career, and into your sense of well-being.
Want to improve your business? Listen.
We’ve noticed that many women business owners have difficulty asking for help. (OK, actually many people in general have trouble with this!) Operating inside a double standard, we might be very comfortable offering and giving help, but not so comfortable asking for help. Viewing it as either an imposition or a sign of weakness. So, for anyone who is “help-challenged”, or for anyone who simply wants to experience more success in life and in business, we offer this technique:
